September 21, 2023

Navigating the Dementia Journey

As I sit down to write this second entry of "From Reba with Love," I find myself in a contemplative mood, reflecting on a journey that has become an integral part of my life: my mother's battle with dementia.

Let me take you back a bit to appreciate the strong woman my mother is. She's the eldest of six siblings, a position that naturally comes with its own set of responsibilities. Born and raised in the Philippines, she pursued a degree in Civil Engineering, a field that ran in the family—her father, my grandfather, was a civil engineer too. In the early '70s, her life took a different turn when my grandfather, who had immigrated to the United States also as a Civil Engineer, had a severe accident that changed everything.

At that time, my mom was completing her education in the Philippines. Her father's accident meant that he needed her here in the U.S., and so began the journey of petitioning for her to come and care for him. He managed to secure her a remarkable job as an Design Engineer with him with the city of Los Angeles, and one by one, my mom worked tirelessly to bring all her siblings to the U.S., with my grandmother being the last to join them. Her strength and determination knew no bounds.

However, life had its own curveballs, and my parents divorced when I was only two years old, which is a story for another blog. Fast forward to today, and I find myself in the middle—still considering myself a young mom, a relatively new parent, and yet, now also a full-time caregiver for my mom.

Dementia, I've come to realize, is a relentless beast, and my younger sister and I are in the process of learning its complexities. My mom's story is a testament to resilience and hard work, but watching her decline is heart-wrenching. She's still physically healthy, but her mental health is slipping away.

Caring for my mom is emotionally taxing. It's challenging to explain to my children what's happening to their beloved Grammy, and our husbands join us as a united team, learning how to provide the best care for my mom. It's a journey filled with ups and downs, and while there are moments when my mom is "all there," there are also times when we see glimpses of the person she used to be.

One thing I've learned through this journey is the importance of self-care. It's easy to become overwhelmed and succumb to feelings of helplessness, but I've found ways to stay resilient. Here are some tips I'd like to share with you:

1. Lean on Your Support System: Don't hesitate to reach out to family and friends. Caregiving can be isolating, but having a support system can make all the difference.

2. Seek Professional Help: Don't be afraid to consult with healthcare professionals and dementia specialists. They can provide guidance and resources to help navigate this challenging journey.

3. Prioritize Your Mental Health: Caregiving can take a toll on your mental health. It's essential to carve out time for yourself, whether it's through meditation, therapy, or hobbies you enjoy.

4. Stay Informed: Knowledge is power. Educate yourself about dementia, its stages, and available resources. Understanding what to expect can help you better prepare.

5. Celebrate the Good Moments: Cherish the moments when your loved one is "all there." These moments of clarity are precious and remind us of the person they once were.

As I continue to navigate this journey with my mom, I'm reminded of the importance of resilience and the incredible capacity of the human spirit to adapt and find strength in the face of adversity. My mother's story, my family's story, is a testament to that resilience, and I'm grateful for the opportunity to share it with you. Together, we'll continue to learn, grow, and support one another through life's challenges.

With love,

Reba